How to Use Assertive Communication to Get What You Want

Communication is a powerful tool, and how we express ourselves plays a pivotal role in our personal and professional lives. While passive communication may lead to unmet needs, and aggressive communication may strain relationships, assertive communication strikes a balance, empowering individuals to express their needs and wants effectively. In this guide, we’ll talk about the art of assertive communication and how it can be your key to achieving the outcomes you desire.

Assertive Communication to Get What You Want

1. Understand the Essence of Assertive Communication

Assertive communication is about expressing your thoughts, needs, and feelings openly and honestly while respecting the rights and opinions of others. It involves being clear, direct, and confident without being aggressive or passive. By mastering assertive communication skills, you can build stronger connections, resolve conflicts, and navigate various situations with grace.

2. Clarify Your Goals and Desires

Before engaging in any conversation, take the time to clarify your goals and desires. Understand what you want to achieve from the interaction and what points are crucial to communicate. This clarity will guide your assertive communication and ensure that your message is focused and effective.

3. Use “I” Statements

When expressing your needs, use “I” statements to convey your thoughts and feelings without placing blame. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you can say, “I feel unheard when my opinions are not considered.” This approach fosters open communication and reduces defensiveness.

4. Practice Active Listening

Assertive communication is a two-way street. Actively listen to others, show empathy, and validate their feelings. This not only strengthens your connection but also sets a positive tone for the conversation. By understanding the perspectives of others, you can find common ground and work towards mutually beneficial outcomes.

5. Maintain Eye Contact and Body Language

Non-verbal cues play a significant role in assertive communication. Maintain eye contact, stand or sit with an open and relaxed posture, and use gestures that support your message. Confident body language enhances the impact of your words, reinforcing the assertive nature of your communication.

6. Learn to Say No

Part of assertive communication is the ability to set boundaries and say no when necessary. Clearly and firmly express your limits without feeling guilty. This not only respects your own needs but also helps others understand your priorities.

7. Seek Compromise and Win-Win Solutions

Assertive communicators aim for solutions that benefit everyone involved. Instead of focusing on winning or losing, seek compromise and collaborative solutions. This approach builds trust and strengthens relationships, fostering a positive and productive communication environment.

8. Build Confidence Through Practice

Like any skill, assertive communication improves with practice. Start with low-stakes situations and gradually work your way up to more challenging conversations. Each successful interaction will boost your confidence and reinforce the effectiveness of assertive communication in achieving your goals.


Brushing up on communication skills is a journey toward greater self-expression and successful interactions. By understanding the essence of assertiveness, clarifying your goals, using “I” statements, practicing active listening, maintaining positive body language, learning to say no, seeking compromise, and building confidence through practice, you can harness the power of assertive communication to get what you want while fostering positive relationships. If you’re looking to enhance your assertiveness communication skills, remember that it’s a valuable tool that can positively impact various aspects of your personal and professional life.